Business Ethics - Discretion

As an independent business owner, ethics are extremely important to me. Their importance is one of the reasons I joined the Southwest Character Council. Other reasons include accountability and the opportunity to network with like-minded individuals. One, final reason is the monthly character spotlight; every month, the Council examines a particular characteristic in detail.

This month, the characteristic is discretion. According to Webster, discretion is "the quality of being discreet." That definition is a little lackluster, unless you know the meaning of "discreet." The word "discreet" is an adjective and refers to someone who shows "good judgment in conduct and especially in speech." Ah, now we're getting somewhere.

The Southwest Character Council also focuses on the importance of being discreet in one's speech; they state that discretion "is recognizing and avoiding words, actions, and attitudes that could result in undesirable consequences." The opposite of discretion is recklessness, a lack of self-control and a refusal to guard one's tongue. The inevitable result of recklessness is obvious; we all have heard Vice-President Biden's "foot-in-the-mouth" news clips. That example is somewhat humorous, but I am sure we all have experienced times when we should have controlled our tongues better. What were the results of losing control? In some instances, it has hurt a family member. In others, it has meant the loss of reputation or, possibly, work.

Love is a Verb: Love and Marriage

Society often tells us that in order to “feel” love toward our spouses, we need to love ourselves more. In contrast, the Bible never tells us to love ourselves. It tells us to love God first, then our neighbors (Matthew 22:37-9). According to the Bible, we are to shift our focus from ourselves and onto acting in love toward God and other people.

Putting others before ourselves is difficult, but we have to remember that, according to the Bible, love is a purposeful commitment to sacrificial action for another. God provides the ultimate example of loving, faithful commitment; John 3:16 tells us that God loved us so much that He sent His only Son to die for us. If we are to follow God’s example of love, we must love our spouses even when they act unbecomingly. Loving our spouses even when we do not “feel” like loving them is not hypocritical; rather, it is a demonstration of our commitment to our spouses and of our love for God.

In contrast, faithlessness, which is often the result of a self-focus, causes a multitude of problems. A self-focus tells us to find someone more compatible. It seeks reasons to leave a marriage, and it often allows feelings to dictate actions. Jesus speaks of this self-focus when the Pharisees, a religious sect, asked Him why Moses allowed the Israelites to divorce their wives. Jesus’ reply is revealing. He says, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives” (Matthew 19:8). A self-focus is a malignancy in a marriage; if not dealt with quickly and radically, it will kill the relationship.

Love: Emotion versus Action

We often erroneously assume that acting in love follows feeling in love. The truth is that living by our feelings very rarely results in action; rather, choosing to act in a certain way more frequently leads to a corresponding change in our feelings. William Shakespeare addresses this misconception regarding love in sonnet 116, which contrasts love as an action and love as an emotion. He says:

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
O no, it is an ever fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wand’ring barque,
Whose worth’s unknown although his height be taken.
Love’s not time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

Shakespeare tells us that love is not love if it is easily shaken, if it “alters when it alteration finds” (3). Shakespeare’s sonnet is confirmed by biblical principles; 1 Corinthians 13 states that love never fails. Genuine love is not dependent upon circumstances, time or people; rather, it is a “fixed mark” that “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7).

To have this sort of love, we must choose to love in spite of our feelings. The Bible never tells us to “feel” love, but it does provide us with directions for how to act in love. Shakespeare presents a similar argument in his sonnet. He does not focus on the romantic feelings of love; rather, he examines what love looks like in action. This action starts in the mind – “Let me not to the marriage of true minds/ Admit impediments” (1-2) – and is carried out in daily living: “Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, / But bears it out even to the edge of doom” (11-2).

Shakespeare invites us to test his theory of love in the final lines of his sonnet; he asks us to demonstrate his “error” (13) and to prove that he knows nothing of love. I dare you to take the challenge that Shakespeare and 1 Corinthians 13 offer. I think you will be pleasantly surprised to find that we often feel love when we act, rather than feel, in love.

Bella Napoli

Bella Napoli, located on El Paso's westside, is another one of El Paso's hidden gems. I had never heard of the restaurant and probably never would have found it even if I had been looking for a unique, Italian restaurant. Fortunately, I'm friends with several, native El Pasoans who know where to find a local and distinctive restaurant.

When I entered Bella Napoli's portico, I felt as though I had stepped into a Dean Martin song. I kept expecting to hear strains of "Napoli" or "That's Amore." I suppose that sensation was one of the reasons I fell in love with the restaurant and its atmosphere.

Another reason for enjoying Bella Napoli was the friendly waitstaff. They were welcoming and accomodating, although my friends and I didn't get to sit on the back patio as we had hoped. Instead, we were seated by one of the larger windows, which did provide us with a view of the back patio area. Our waiter was very nice; he offered suggestions and helped us with wine choices.

The food, too, was delicious. I ordered the vegetable canneloni - mmm. I've never had it previously, but I enjoyed it very much. It was an oven baked crepe filled with Primavera vegetables - broccoli, carrots, cauliflower, and zucchini - that were pan seared in a creamy bichamel sauce and baked with light mozzarella cheese. The bread that came with our entrees was wonderful as well; it had just enough garlic to please the palate. 

Although the food and waitstaff were key ingredients of my experience at Bella Napoli, my favorite part - besides the conversation and fellowship with my friends - was the live music. On Sundays, Bella Napoli has guest opera singers. I don't know that much about opera, but the four singers - two men and two women - were amazing. I was particularly pleased to recognize some of the songs they sang, including pieces from The Phantom of the Opera and Madame Butterfly.

Of course, no dining experience is complete - at least it's not for me - without the company of friends. My adventure to Bella Napoli was shared with three of my friends, who made the evening even more perfect. I'm looking forward to continued explorations of El Paso and the discovery of more hidden treasures with them. 

STOMP

I was so excited that STOMP was coming to El Paso that I bought tickets several weeks in advance. I have always been amazed by what the performers can do with the simplest of things - a matchbox, a plastic bag, newspapers. Seeing the performance live, though, was even more amazing.

First, the setting. The historic Plaza Theatre in downtown El Paso. I'm a fan of the theatre in general, so any chance to see a show there is always worth taking. The acoustics are magnificent, and they are well-employed by a team of on-stage percussionists.

Second, the instruments. These ranged from using the body as an actual instrument to the seemingly quirky or unuseable. Sand? Give it a try. The dancers/musicians used it, and it made a wonderful "swish" sound as they slid their feet through it. Lighters? I couldn't believe it, but, yes, the performers had a number in which they used lighters. I don't know how the performers were sure that the lighters would light or would light according to the tempo, but they seemed to trust their tools. Oversized inner tubes? Naturally. Who would expect anything less from STOMP? This number was probably one of my favorites because of the ludicrousness of the huge inner tubes. During one part of this number, the dancers sat inside the tubes and bobbed up and down as they simultaneously beat on the tubes with drumsticks. Basketballs? We know that basketballs can create a tempo (Who can forget basketball drills? Du-dum, du-dum, du-dum...), but to see and hear the performers create a beautiful melody with the balls was fascinating.

Third, the dancers/musicians. Most of the performers have a dance background, and many of them have that background in tap. Others have taken modern dance, jazz, and ballet. My favorite dancer, though, was the b-boy (breakdancer). He had some amazing floorwork and freezes, which he accomplished while having trash can lids attached to his hands. Absolutely phenomenal. I also enjoyed watching the female performers; they were amazing and often seemed to hit the beat even harder than the males. The dancers/musicians also are consummate performers; they know how to express themselves with the smallest of motions and facial expressions. One of the performers was particularly good and well-cast. He played the role of the clown, and he acted his role superbly. He had the crowd laughing at his antics as well as sympathizing with him when the other performers seemed to treat him unkindly.

Finally, the combination of elements. The beauty of the Plaza Theatre didn't seem to be compromised by the outside-the-boundaries percussion; rather, the union of the two seemed to be the perfect blending of old and new. I also loved that I was not only seeing a performance but also hearing it. The show engages a person's sight and hearing, and I think that makes for a better show. The audience is truly engaged if the audience members are having to use more than one of their senses. STOMP truly was amazing.

Bedazzled

Yesterday, I went to see Bedazzled: 5,000 Years of Jewelry at the El Paso Museum of Art. I was amazed by the number of pieces from the Walters Art Museum jewelry collection that were included the exhibit. The EPMA store had a catalogue from the Walters Art Museum for sale; flipping through it, I began to see that most of the pieces in the catalogue were included in the exhibit. In fact, the exhibit contained additional pieces, such as an adorable, miniature gold bear that dated to Egyptian or pre-Egyptian times. 

The exhibit truly spans approximately 5,000 years. In the first section of the exhibit, the pieces are from the Mediterranean, Egyptian, Greek, and Roman eras. These pieces sometimes show a wearer's social status, but people from these time periods tended to wear necklace or pendants because they believed that the jewelry protected them from evil or bestowed some sort of blessing. For example, one of the pieces in the exhibit, a pendant in the shape of a ram's head, has a dual purpose: it is believed to have functioned as a fertility symbol and as a protector.

The next portion of the exhibit focuses on the Roman/Byzantine era and migrates into the Middle Ages and Renaissance periods. The jewelry of this period has more to do with showing one's social status although the "magical" element of jewelry remains an undercurrent. During these time periods, religious motifs emerge; Crucifixion scenes and portraits of the Madonna are particularly popular. The jewelry also reveals the cultural exchange that was occurring. Many of the pieces combine Greek and Roman traditions with Oriental influences.

The final portion of the exhibit focuses on jewelry from the eighteenth century to the present. The exhibit includes a Tiffany and Co. necklace from around the turn of the twentieth century. The necklace is exquisite; it features 265 round old cut diamonds. Other pieces in this section of the exhibit include Native American jewelry and items that reflect the public's interest in archeology during the late nineteenth and early twentieth century, such as an Egyptian-style necklace with scarabs and Egyptianizing brooches.  

I spent over an hour in the exhibit and still feel that I need to return for another visit so that I can absorb the beauty of and the information about the jewelry. While I did not have time to view the video portion of the exhibit, I am sure that the information provided in the video is excellent. I suppose one of the facts that I found most interesting was how jewelry was thought to have a protective quality. I am not so sure that we have escaped that idea. We may not think that the jewelry we wear has the power to protect us from evil, but we still seem to believe that a piece of jewelry can act as a good luck charm. We wear a certain pair of earrings or a ring to a job interview or a first date. While the "luck" we perceive the jewelry to have may only be a placebo effect, I can attest to the fact that wearing my favorite pair of earrings to a job interview seems to bolster my courage.

The Bedazzled: 5,000 Years of Jewelry exhibit will be on display at the El Paso Museum of Art through July 25, 2010. Admission for non-members is $10 for adults and $5 for children, ages 12 and under. The museum is open Tuesday through Sunday. Hours on Tuesday through Saturday are 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. On Thursdays, the museum is open until 9 p.m. Sunday's hours are from 12 p.m. to 5 p.m.

What the Living Do

What the Living Do, by Marie Howe, has been one of my most recent and amazing reads. Her book recalls other poet's works concerning loss and death, such as Elizabeth Bishop's. In particular, I am reminded of Bishop's "One Art," which can be found in The Complete Poems, 1927-1979. This poem, like the ones found in What the Living Do, encapsulates the loss of a loved one within the every day routine. The narrator states, "Lose something every day. Accept the fluster / of lost door keys, the hour badly spent." The poem culminates with the loss of the loved one. In this stanza, the narrator reveals her true feelings regarding loss: "It's evident / the art of losing's not too hard to master / though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster." Howe's poems employ a similar technique. Rather than devolving into sentimental cliches, the poems focus on the every day happenings that occur in the midst of, or in spite of, the presence of death. In these poems, every day moments, such as lovers fighting and school assignments, become extraordinary through the introduction of the uncommon element of death. This element is never shocking; rather, the tone regarding death is almost completely flat, recalling the tone found in the final lines of Bishop's poem. For example, in the poem "Late Morning," the narrator remembers a morning spent with her lover: "[W]e sat like that for a few minutes, without saying much of anything, / my cheek pressed lightly / against his [James] cheek, and my brother John was dead." This statement could be jarring, but the reality is that death dwells in the midst of life. The poem exhibits this truth when it returns to the actual moment of sitting with her lover and to the remembrance of the miniscule details, such as the "crumbs and dishes still / on the table, and a small glass bottle of milk and an open jar of / raspberry jam." Thus, everything, from a bottle of milk to lost door keys, becomes attached to life, loss, and death.