Nothing to do in El Paso?

I once was a member of the "there's nothing to do in El Paso" crew. During the past year, I have discovered how mistaken I was. There is plenty to do in El Paso; this past weekend, I attended several events.

Five Steps for Success

I've become a follower of Seth's Blog because Seth typically has invaluable advice for people in the marketing and business world. One of his recent posts, "Simple Five Step Plan for just about Everyone and Everything," was particularly good. In fact, it was so good that I decided to share his plan with you.

Business Ethics - Discretion

As an independent business owner, ethics are extremely important to me. Their importance is one of the reasons I joined the Southwest Character Council. Other reasons include accountability and the opportunity to network with like-minded individuals. One, final reason is the monthly character spotlight; every month, the Council examines a particular characteristic in detail.

This month, the characteristic is discretion. According to Webster, discretion is "the quality of being discreet." That definition is a little lackluster, unless you know the meaning of "discreet." The word "discreet" is an adjective and refers to someone who shows "good judgment in conduct and especially in speech." Ah, now we're getting somewhere.

The Southwest Character Council also focuses on the importance of being discreet in one's speech; they state that discretion "is recognizing and avoiding words, actions, and attitudes that could result in undesirable consequences." The opposite of discretion is recklessness, a lack of self-control and a refusal to guard one's tongue. The inevitable result of recklessness is obvious; we all have heard Vice-President Biden's "foot-in-the-mouth" news clips. That example is somewhat humorous, but I am sure we all have experienced times when we should have controlled our tongues better. What were the results of losing control? In some instances, it has hurt a family member. In others, it has meant the loss of reputation or, possibly, work.

Love is a Verb: Love and Marriage

Society often tells us that in order to “feel” love toward our spouses, we need to love ourselves more. In contrast, the Bible never tells us to love ourselves. It tells us to love God first, then our neighbors (Matthew 22:37-9). According to the Bible, we are to shift our focus from ourselves and onto acting in love toward God and other people.

Putting others before ourselves is difficult, but we have to remember that, according to the Bible, love is a purposeful commitment to sacrificial action for another. God provides the ultimate example of loving, faithful commitment; John 3:16 tells us that God loved us so much that He sent His only Son to die for us. If we are to follow God’s example of love, we must love our spouses even when they act unbecomingly. Loving our spouses even when we do not “feel” like loving them is not hypocritical; rather, it is a demonstration of our commitment to our spouses and of our love for God.

In contrast, faithlessness, which is often the result of a self-focus, causes a multitude of problems. A self-focus tells us to find someone more compatible. It seeks reasons to leave a marriage, and it often allows feelings to dictate actions. Jesus speaks of this self-focus when the Pharisees, a religious sect, asked Him why Moses allowed the Israelites to divorce their wives. Jesus’ reply is revealing. He says, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives” (Matthew 19:8). A self-focus is a malignancy in a marriage; if not dealt with quickly and radically, it will kill the relationship.

Love: Emotion versus Action

We often erroneously assume that acting in love follows feeling in love. The truth is that living by our feelings very rarely results in action; rather, choosing to act in a certain way more frequently leads to a corresponding change in our feelings. William Shakespeare addresses this misconception regarding love in sonnet 116, which contrasts love as an action and love as an emotion. He says:

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
O no, it is an ever fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wand’ring barque,
Whose worth’s unknown although his height be taken.
Love’s not time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

Shakespeare tells us that love is not love if it is easily shaken, if it “alters when it alteration finds” (3). Shakespeare’s sonnet is confirmed by biblical principles; 1 Corinthians 13 states that love never fails. Genuine love is not dependent upon circumstances, time or people; rather, it is a “fixed mark” that “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7).

To have this sort of love, we must choose to love in spite of our feelings. The Bible never tells us to “feel” love, but it does provide us with directions for how to act in love. Shakespeare presents a similar argument in his sonnet. He does not focus on the romantic feelings of love; rather, he examines what love looks like in action. This action starts in the mind – “Let me not to the marriage of true minds/ Admit impediments” (1-2) – and is carried out in daily living: “Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, / But bears it out even to the edge of doom” (11-2).

Shakespeare invites us to test his theory of love in the final lines of his sonnet; he asks us to demonstrate his “error” (13) and to prove that he knows nothing of love. I dare you to take the challenge that Shakespeare and 1 Corinthians 13 offer. I think you will be pleasantly surprised to find that we often feel love when we act, rather than feel, in love.