Love is a Verb: Love and Marriage

Society often tells us that in order to “feel” love toward our spouses, we need to love ourselves more. In contrast, the Bible never tells us to love ourselves. It tells us to love God first, then our neighbors (Matthew 22:37-9). According to the Bible, we are to shift our focus from ourselves and onto acting in love toward God and other people.

Putting others before ourselves is difficult, but we have to remember that, according to the Bible, love is a purposeful commitment to sacrificial action for another. God provides the ultimate example of loving, faithful commitment; John 3:16 tells us that God loved us so much that He sent His only Son to die for us. If we are to follow God’s example of love, we must love our spouses even when they act unbecomingly. Loving our spouses even when we do not “feel” like loving them is not hypocritical; rather, it is a demonstration of our commitment to our spouses and of our love for God.

In contrast, faithlessness, which is often the result of a self-focus, causes a multitude of problems. A self-focus tells us to find someone more compatible. It seeks reasons to leave a marriage, and it often allows feelings to dictate actions. Jesus speaks of this self-focus when the Pharisees, a religious sect, asked Him why Moses allowed the Israelites to divorce their wives. Jesus’ reply is revealing. He says, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives” (Matthew 19:8). A self-focus is a malignancy in a marriage; if not dealt with quickly and radically, it will kill the relationship.